I’m back at work! Only to find that sometimes, things don’t really change. It’s still boring sometimes, and too busy at others (even if my definition of too busy has shrunk to five people wandering the department not needing help).
What HAS changed however, is one of the girls at work called me “girl!” and then went “OH my gosh I need to stop doing that!” and it made me giggle, plus another of the ladies just said “sometimes it just slips out but you don’t mind if we just go sh-HE do you?” and it’s like you correct yourself, that’s fine, honestly!
So things are slightly looking up at work, thanks to the awesome peeps on my department being like the loudest, most forceful individuals I’ve known 😛 They really have my back and it has helped SO much with my own confidence and being able to talk to them.
I still feel like I’m pushing myself too far into the “binary trans” box though. It’s like yes, I want to look more male, I want people to SEE me as male, but part of me is still femme – I’ve been female for 20-something years. Admittedly I wasn’t always comfortable like that, but I’ve been on that wavelength. Plus, I do still want to enjoy make up and I would LOVE to wear like a killer dress. BUT. I also want to have a guy voice, a guy’s top half. I want to sit right in the middle of gender.
(Side note, someone outside is smoking weed and it’s proper coming in through my bedroom window :@ it’s not even open that much so it’s kinda annoying because OK smoke what you want but why should I be able to smell it in MY WEED FREE HOUSE.)
Yeah, I’m massively androgynous/non-binary and probably pretty fluid, but actually having this girly face and body? NOPE. I just struggle to explain myself at the best of times with my gender, and I don’t think I would ever be able to phrase it in a way my family would understand. So I’ve pushed the binary trans guy thing. Then they’ll have to deal with me presenting however the f**k I want xD