It’s been a strange week. I was up in Manchester recently visiting Josh’s sister, who just moved into a nice new place. But I ended up sleeping really badly and the last three days kinda blurred together, I was taking painkillers so I could sleep – or else my brain wouldn’t switch off.
Sometimes, it’s so much easier to think that you’re OK than just admit you’re sliding and I think I was trying to put it off, but. We all know on here by now that I just hold off until I implode. So I ended up in tears, freaking out about my whole existence and bless him, Josh had to just put up with me in the hotel while he was just like wtf do I do.
Mentally it’s been a slog. I’ve actually ended up writing “you’ll feel better soon” over and over again, because I KNOW. I KNOW it’s temporary, it’ll get shoved down and forgotten about, I’ll feel happy for a while. It’s annoying that it’s always pretty much caused by my fucking period. I stress about my chest and my whole body in general without the added stress of HEY LIFE WANTS TO RIP OUT YOUR INSIDES. My chest was aching to the point where I couldn’t bind or even touch it, but I was so upset by the idea of not being able to bind, because then I can’t go in the men’s, because I might come on soon. Just an endless list of because then, because this, because that. I was so f**king stressed that I came on late, and I have to now deal with it at work instead of somewhere nobody will like. I don’t even know. I just feel like having a period tears down all my progress at work and that everybody will know I’m just some kind of fake person, that they’ll know I’m wearing knickers instead of boxers. Just it makes me feel shit.
I didn’t even finish typing this last night, I ended up in bed at half ten with a storming headache and painkillers ready to kick in. Either way, I’m hoping this week will start looking up. One day of work left to deal with, and no period anymore, no hurting chest.
YOU’LL FEEL BETTER SOON.