I have no energy to deal with this anymore. How many more lies and stories can someone tell just to keep you around? Because this has been going on for so long and I don’t know how to leave but I really can’t keep hearing this shit. I don’t care. I don’t feel the same. I don’t see the things I used to.
I feel like he’s punishing me for never saying I love him back, but it’s not like he ever acted like he loved me in the first place. He seemed to care more about getting me than keeping me. All his efforts are in random ass places that I wish I knew, but I don’t. Actually I think they’re all at his fucking job. My dad is surprised he can even hold down that job and you know what, I’m not because I know he gives a shit about it. So I guess he doesn’t give a shit about me, no matter what he says. He lets me break from feeling neglected before he even gives me a hug sometimes. He takes them on his own accord, sucks up whenever he wants but when I actually need him? He’s nowhere.
When I see it typed out, why the fuck do I still try? WHY AM I SO STUPID?
All the things I wanted, he ruined. All the help I asked for, he never gave. But I just can’t stop holding out to see if he changes because I’ve seen the possibilities in him sometimes, albeit rarely. Nah. It’s obviously not for me, I just wish it was. He isn’t great and he isn’t even good for me.
Stay strong and don’t give in. Stay strong and don’t give in. Stay strong and don’t give in, you can survive without him. YUP.