So recently I’ve been struggling with wearing anything on my top half because everything I wear looks wrong. Feminine clothes are too feminine, and men’s clothes upset me because I feel like my binder does nothing. The added extra of wearing either a sports bra or binder underneath my tops is making me somehow even more aware of my chest. The fact I have to wear another layer on just means I sweat and obviously I can always feel that extra layer. I want to just put on a top in the morning and that’s it, I’m dressed.
So recently I spent a teeny amount on some nude pasties and while they aren’t great for thinner fabric, I’m learning to love them 🙂 I don’t entirely like freeboobing, because I can feel my chest wiggling and touching and it just makes me down. But. No underlayer! And that makes me feel really good actually.
The only thing now, is to find a better binder for wearing under my slim fit tops. Sometimes I have to admit, feeling feminine rears it’s girly head and catches me off guard, making me go oh, I can live with this waist and these hips, but I still hate seeing that chest from the side.
So naturally I still bung myself into the gender-fluid label, but my expression, I want it to be male or I want to look androgynous.
I’m still waiting to hear from the counselling, but I feel like I’m also still making progress by working out a few more things along the way.
This rubbish is hard, man