Ok. I’ve come to a conclusion that I do not like where I am right now.
This comes after spending some time working, chilling on my own, trying to live some sort of life that everyone expects, or maybe that I expect.
There are things I miss. Things I used to love so much, found so much time for and now they lie redundant in some dusty old place in my life like they mean nothing.
There are things I  want. Summers used to be for adventure and enjoying company, yet I feel like I don’t have anywhere to go that will mean something, or the people to take with me.
I literally wake up and feel like I’m making all the wrong choices or doing nothing worth the time and seriously not knowing what for. I spend more time trying to please the world and wait for people to join me and maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should grow out of needing company as a safety blanket.
The truth is, I’m scared that if I don’t reach for something amazing, I’ll end up like my mother. Scared of the big bad world outside and seemingly doing nothing with her life. I know it’s kind of awful to say that but, lord. If she doesn’t want to do something, we always got pulled away.
I feel like everything is just slipping away.
How the fuck do I start changing everything when I feel so overwhelmed about the idea of it?
Guess I should start small.
Don’t put it off.
Get going.
I wish I could run on impulse but I don’t work like that. I thought that it was so cool to spontaneously get tattooed (like all those great summertime epic films montage as a great part of their life) and I now have a shit tattoo on my ankle because the guy was having some kind of off day, and believe me, I looked at his work and it was awesome, but no such luck for me. I already want it lasered off my ankle and it’s only two days old.
Fuck spontaneity.
I am totally a to do list kind of girl.